Worst "Church Music"…Ever!

This post is somewhat of a departure from my usual fare, but also a return to my earlier style of blogging. A bit of music, a bit of humor, and a lot of caustic commentary. Are you ready for the Worst Church Music...Ever? (Trust me, you're not. But you should totally listen anyway!)  ~  JH

1)  The Guy Who Doesn’t Know When To Quit…Until It’s Wayyyy Too Late  (I’m not 100% sure, but I think he’s looking for a city.)

2)  The Church Lady Who’s Bold Enough To Put Herself Out There Despite Her Total Lack Of Ability  (“Some of y’all cain’t sing either!”)

3)  The Guy Who Alternates Between Singing Like A Person And Singing Like A Muppet  (It wouldn’t have been so weird if the Muppet in question was actually perched on his arm and he was moving its mouth in time to the tune.)

4)  The White Guy Who Thinks He Can Sing And Dance Like Bruno Mars  (And falls woefully short on both efforts.)

5)  Henrietta & Merna…Who’d Rather Be Doing Anything Else Other Than Singing A Song On Local Television  (They’re SO over this!)

6)  The Kid Who Somehow Knew The Internet Was Coming And He’d One Day Go Viral  (He had to be in on the joke, right?)

7)  This Senior Adults Choir Singing Popular Hip-Hop Songs…For No Apparent Reason  (It’s gettin’ strange in herre…)

8)  The So-Amazingly-Bad-It’s-Actually-Awesome Christian Parody Song  (“I saved a puppy, gonna tithe my money, I’m an awesome Christian!”)

9)  Danny In Florida, Who Calls In To Sing On Live Television So He Can Get His Record Deal  (Bless his heart…)

10)  It’s Not The Singers So Much As It Is The Song That…Well…Sucks  (It’s like easy listening on downers with lots and lots of hairspray.)

11)  The Church That Decided To Take One Of The Dumbest Pop Songs Ever And “Christianize” It  (“Worshippin’, worshippin’, YEAH!”)

12)  The Girl Who Goes To A Funeral And Becomes A Lousy Lounge Singer  (Poor sound system. Lucky dead person.)

13)  It’s A Praise Team! It’s A Dance Squad! It’s A Disaster!  (That moonwalk, though…)

14)  The Queen Of Terrible Music Takes A Crack At Christian “Singing”  (I’m fairly certain Jan Terri is an actual hobbit.)

15)  The Overly Eager Drummer Who Clearly Showed Up At The Wrong Gig  (I’m guessing he didn’t get a chance to “redeem” himself the next Sunday.)

16)  That Guy Who Thought It Was A Great Idea To Replace The Word “Butts” With “Bible” In An Old-School Rap Song  (He’s actually got bars; I’m kinda surprised.)

17)  The Close-But-No-Cigar Pop Song Parody  (I’ll hand it to ‘em, they tried hard. But the rewritten lyrics just don’t make a whole lot of sense.)

18)  The Kind Of Song That Gives Christian Music An Undeservedly Bad Name  (“He loves me when I waste my time by writing silly songs…” Well, at least the guy admits it.)

19)  The Pitch-Perfect Parody That Picks Fun At The Misguided Method Of  Ministering Through Sincere But Silly Signage  (Yeah, I like alliteration. A bit.)

20)  The Wrongest Way Possible To Reach Young People For Christ…Or Anyone Else, For That Matter  (There’s so much to be offended by in this one, it’s not even funny. I mean, it is, but it isn’t.)